Category Archives: Saturday Morning

Saturday Morning Cartoons: Chicago, Gangsters, Domestic Violence, and Crime (The Valentine’s Day Edition)

Happy Valentines Day!

Former Reds pitcher David Wells tweeted a photo claiming that his wife bit him for cheating on her.

Then his wife tweeted this photo:

Was he cheating on her with David Cone?  I hope this is not the joke that it appears.  David Wells is > Kenny Powers.

Yoga pants are under attack.  Really, the ultra extremists in this country have a lot more in common with the Taliban than they do with America.  Can we just stop this conversation now?  Whether it be Yoga pants, leggings or etc.  there is a place for them in this country.  Want to talk about banning something?  How about  hair buns, high waist jeans, and flats.

Go America!  Lets start the protest against the protest right now!


I spent nearly a week in Chicago last June.  Made two trips to Wrigley.  The place is still a dump.  There’s not a good seat in the entire park and on June 26th it was so damn cold, I had to leave early.  Chicago is a great place if you like beer, food, and educated women.  Chicago is a horrible place if you like baseball.  Well, Wrigley field is being renovated:

This offseason, the long-awaited ballpark expansion and restoration, now known as The 1060 Project, is underway. This upgrade is designed to ensure the viability of the ballpark for future generations of Cubs fans, while preserving the beauty, charm and historic features fans have come to know and love.

The four-year plan — which will include structural upgrades; improved player facilities, new fan amenities, outfield signage, including a video board in left field, expanded concessions, new and improved restroom facilities, and much more — will be undertaken in four separate phases, beginning with the conclusion of the 2014 baseball season. Here’s what you can expect in each of the next four years at the corner of Clark and Addison.

Will fans still have to wait in long lines to pee in a horse trough?

Roger Goodell made $35 million dollars for doing absolutely nothing in 2014.  How hard is it to get up every morning, go to the office and not make decisions and have no repercussions to your lack of decision making.  Goodell is a New York City rich kid who has never had to sit in a job interview in his life.  He has not one thing in common with the average NFL fan except perhaps IQ.  He is the face of Wall Street.  The face of handouts and legacies.   Never being accountable, never having to earn anything but handed over the reins to powerful institutions because he happens to be old, fat, white and someone’s son.  But the new MLB commissioner is probably worse. According to Yahoo Sports, Rob Manfred says he believes going to a Super Bowl type biding process to see who will host the MLB All-Star game.  I just can’t tell you how little I think of the All-Star game but its a big deal to a lot of fans and it should remain as far from NFL like handling as is possible.

Cops mishandled the Aaron Hernandez investigation.  They showed up at his house at 10:30 pm and knocked on the door.  No one answered so they walked around for a long time. Their evidence is crumbling as they are now relying on the “it took him a long time to answer the door” proof of guilt.   However, Hernandez screwed up by giving in and talking.  The Patriot’s knew that Hernandez was being invested within hours after the murder according to Yahoo Sports and cut him within hours of his arrest.  If that would have been you or me that the cops found rental keys from a car we rented in the jacket of a dead person, they would’ve sought a warrant and knocked down our doors.

The Reds have one legitimate really good hitter and his name is Joey Votto.  People in this town that are bad at math are already bitching about Votto.  Marty Brennaman made some kind of ridiculous remark on WLW yesterday about if Votto wants to lead the league in OBP, then the Reds are in trouble.  Baloney.  That statement is pure Thom Foolery.

Does Marty B. even know who has led the league in OBP over the last 40 years?

Here is every person who has led the NL in OBP from 1974 to 2014 (23 names):

McCutchen, Votto, Pujols, Chipper Jones, Bonds, Helton, Larry Walker, McGwire, Sheffield, Gwynn, Dykstra, Lonnie Smith, Kal Daniels, Jack Clark, Raines, Pedro Guerrero, Gary Mathews, Mike Schmidt, Keith Hernandez, Pete Rose, Jeff Burroughs, Reggie Smith, Joe Morgan.

Want to go back further?

How about:

Ken Singleton, Morgan, Mays, Carty, McCovey, Rose, Allen, Santo, Mathews, Frank Robinson, Wally Moon, Ashburn, Joe Cunningham, Musial, Jackie Robinson, Ralph friggin Kiner.

Takes up to through the 1950s.

I can’t help but wonder if the same people who complain about Votto getting on base, think Todd Frazier is a “gamer.”

Wondering about Valentine’s Day?  Well me neither but I want to fill this post with more insanity, so here it goes:

According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl–possibly his jailor’s daughter–who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and–most importantly–romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France.

Bugs Moran was a Chicago Northsider and leader of the Irish Catholic mob.  Moran invented the drive by shooting.  Tired of the drive by shootings, Al Capone staged a ambush one infamous Valentine’s Day.  The site of the Valentine’s Day massacre has not been preserved and is now a parking lot to some kind of hospital.

Happy February 14th everyone.

Saturday Morning Cartoons 2/7/15: The TMZ Issue

Good afternoon everyone.

Bruce Jenner has a website coming soon with the title, “World’s Greatest Athlete.”  There may be an entire generation that doesn’t even know that Jenner was an athlete.  For those who 2015-02-07 12-58-36don’t know, Jenner became wildly popular after winning an Olympic Gold Medal in the decathlon in 1976.  During the 1972 Olympics, in the midst of the “Cold War”, the USA lost the Gold to the Soviets in basketball, the decathlon, and the 100 meters.  When he won in ’76, Jenner was looked upon as a hero who had put America back on top.

So, ultimately it was a transgendered person who beat the Russians in the Iron man event.  USA! USA! USA!

Even the Village People are surprised Bruce Jenner’s becoming a woman. Randy Jones — a k a the Cowboy from the “Macho Man” band — was spotted at John and Tommy Greco’s K*Rico in Hell’s Kitchen, exclaiming, “I need a cocktail. I can’t wrap my mind around the news on Bruce!”

Bigger fall from the top:  Tiger Woods or Alex Rodriguez?  Apparently, Arod is healthy again or as healthy as someone with two surgically repaired hips will ever be.

Ryan Hatch of reports that Dr. Brian Kelly of the Hospital for Special Surgery has cleared Rodriguez to play in 2015. Brian Cashman took to WFAN to talk with Mike Francesa, a notorious A-Rod apologist.

“It’s all systems go,” Cashman said. “He’s been conditioning and going in the right direction.” Kelly has performed surgery on A-Rod in the past.

So there is this dog that does ballet.

There is something comforting in predicting gloom and doom for the Redlegs.  That being the case, here are two paragraphs that will make you feel warm inside:

The Reds are kind of strapped financially, with $69 million already committed to the 2016 payroll without the salaries of Cueto, Mike Leake (earning $9.78 million in 2015), Aroldis Chapman (entering third year of arbitration), Todd Frazier (entering second year of arbitration) and Zack Cozart (entering first year of arbitration). Let’s not forget about Marlon Byrd, who has an $8 million vesting option (if he makes 550 plate appearances).

Perhaps the Reds shouldn’t have jumped the gun before the 2014 season when they signed starter Homer Bailey to a six-year, $105 million contract when his career numbers are just about average (58-50 with a 4.17 ERA, 1.31 WHIP and 829 strikeouts in 166 starts). At that point they already had given Joey Votto (10 years and $225 million), Brandon Phillies (10 years and $98 million) and Jay Bruce (six years and $51 million) fairly large contracts for the type of market they’re in.

The Reds are kind of like watching Demi Moore make one last grab at being on top and then tragically becoming a castaway after a couple bonehead moves.

Sports at the professional and quasi-amatuer college level are often times sick, perverted, and disgusting entities.  I hate watching the trickle down effect that it is having on high school sports.  Everyone seems to be playing for some other reason than the game itself.  AAU, Elite, traveling, select; are all words that make my skin crawl.  Play for your school.  Playing for your school is all that matters.  Those are the memories that you will take with you and what you will hold onto forever.  Keep it in perspective, because the world already has too many assholes like Bobby Petrino.  Don’t be an “I” guy.

Keith Olbermann went off on Bobby Petrino and the Courier Journal had the story:

University of Louisville head football coach Bobby Petrino was deemed the day’s “worst person in the sports world” by Keith Olbermann on his late-night show for revoking South Carolina Mr. Football Matt Colburn’s scholarship just 48 hours before national signing day.

The running back, who had been committed to the U of L football program since June, said in an interview with News 19’s Ron Aiken that he was “completely befuddled” that his scholarship was taken back. Instead, Colburn was given the opportunity to “grayshirt” with the football program, which would require him to enroll in school in January and not play until the 2016 season.

According to Petrino, the scholarship was needed to fill a void in the team’s defensive backfield. This decision did not sit well with the athletic director and football coach at Dutch Fork High School, as the program has decided to cutoff the Cardinals and Petrino from recruiting players at the school in the future.

Olbermann noted in his nightly segment that Petrino’s actions should come as no surprise.

“Honestly, a guy who once quit his job as coach of the Atlanta Falcons by leaving a generic note at the locker of each player,” he said. “A man who once crashed his motorcycle and said he was alone on it — no passengers. Then it turned out there was a passenger, and it turned out it was a woman, and it turned out it wasn’t his wife, and it turned out it was an employee of his athletic department and they were having an affair. And you were worried about him living up to his word? Why? Louisville coach Bobby Petrino: liar. Still a liar, always a liar. How can that university associate itself with this man?”

Saturday Morning Cartoons: Bill Belichick is insane, parents need to chill the hell out, Nebraska, Bowden, Jailhouse Lawyers

Sometimes the Saturday morning cartoons become the Saturday afternoon cartoons but thats okay.

1.  The Embattled New England Patriots. 

We only care about the balls being deflated because the story involves the Embattled New England Patriots (ENEP).  It’s a sign of the times or an evolution of our culture; but we haven’t always hated winners so much.  However, winners have mostly always been villians. These days, organizations just don’t have the capacity to maintain one public face in front of the media while hiding another behind the curtain.  We can thank Vince McMahon or pro-wrestling, but nowadays we kind of prefer the real heel over the phony hero.  There are still those of you out there that will carry water for the worst of people because you still want to believe in a simpler time; a time when the Dallas Cowboys represented America and the New York Yankees were clean shaven wholesome ballplayers.  Oh, how we long for the way it never was.

As Paul Daugherty once wrote, “Athletes aren’t role models. They need role models.”   Crooks, traitors, cheats, drunks, drug addicts, womanizers, wife beaters, gamblers, rule benders, gangsters and rogues, have always dominated professional sports.  The ENEP are loved by people because they win, and for no other reason.  Tom Brady cheated on his pregnant girlfriend, I guess he is above lying to a bunch of strangers?  Only the simplest of minds believe that people who make millions to play games are basically good and don’t plan every move.   These guys stand for nothing.  Professional athletes are paper thin.  They don’t have time not to care about every detail.

Do you trust Aaron Rogers but curse insurance companies?  Aaron Rogers doesn’t care that as soon as your loved one is injured or dies in an auto accident, State Farm immediately dispenses someone to devalue the worth of your loved one’s life.  The only thing Aaron Rogers cares about is cashing those checks.  We are talking about a group of people who only agreed to start testing 5 players per week for HGH, three months ago.  Alex Rodriguez’s entire Hall of Fame caliber baseball career is tarnished for doing what was common practice in the NFL, up until October of 2014.  Alex Rodriguez was never caught using too much pine tar or swinging a corked bat but the ENEP have been caught multiple times now and we love it.

I’m skeptical of a “culture” that tries to blame the “culture” for raping and urinating on a woman.  Those were college students, but we know more about Johnny Manziel than we do Tom Brady.  Absolutely, the ENEP cheat; and they cheat in ways we will never know about.

2.  The Hockey dad that broke the glass.

This guy is catching hell all over the internet.  Just how unlucky of a man is this guy?  It’s little girls playing hockey.  Just let this be a learning tool and give the guy a break.  Vent at the pros, you probably shouldn’t ever have that much invested in children’s games.   The worst person in the video is probably the lady who sarcastically yells, “Way to go Paul!”.

3.  We live in the new Golden Age of Hollywood. 

I watched the movie Nebraska last night on Netflix.  While this isn’t Nebraska, you will identify with many of the characters.  The movie is gut wrenchingly funny and honest at the same time.  So much so, that you will find yourself cringing because you have met many of the characters in real life. Its really about the good, the bad, and the ugly of America; tucked nicely into a story about tragedy and love.

4.  Bobby Bowden wants his wins restored now but the problem is Florida State didn’t start covering up rape until the Jimbo Fisher era. 

Bowden had 12 wins vacated by the NCAA as part of an academic scandal that took place in 2006 and 2007. The Florida State coaches were never implicated in the scandal, and Bowden thinks it’s time he got his 12 wins back.  Bowden is probably right.  Really, its embarrassing.  If Paterno had acted like a damn man who had an ounce of brains and integrity, there is a very good chance that people would have been arrested and the damage would have cost Penn State wins one way or another.  Penn State’s alumni and boosters have displayed a sickness and psychosis that is cult like.

5.  Even criminals are shocked by the NFL’s disregard for everything human. 

According to WFAA-8 in Dallas, Terry Hendrix, who is incarcerated in a Colorado correctional facility, has filed a lawsuit against the NFL seeking over $88 billion in damages because of the Dez Bryant call against Dallas in the divisional playoff game vs. the Green Bay Packers.  I’ve pasted the handwritten complaint below:

Inmate lawsuit against NFL

6.  The Bengals should do a caravan like the Reds.

The Reds are loved, the Bengals simply are not.  Therefore, a caravan around Ohio, Kentucky, and Indiana would be entertaining if nothing else.  NFL fans are less loyal than baseball fans to begin with, combine that with a few decades of failing to do anything in the postseason and I think you might have the perfect storm.  Imagine Andy Dalton showing up in a bus at someone’s house in eastern Kentucky?  First they would want to know who the hell he was before demanding that he take his pilates having ass out of their driveway.  The NFL is popular but not loved.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend folks.  Follow us on Twitter @859sports.  Engage with us, we love the banter.

Saturday Morning Cartoons: Youth Sports Suck, Calipari$ Cat$, No Excuses, Upsets at the BOK, and Union Busting

1.  The Current System Doesn’t Put Kids First.  Kids should play as many different sports as they can and have as many different healthy experiences as they can.  If you or a coach thinks that it is a good idea for your child to specialize, then you do not have your child’s best interest in mind.  There’s a guy named Steve Nash who has a pretty good youth basketball blog.  You can check it out here.   In an article posted near the beginning of this basketball season by John O’Sullivan titled: The Race to Nowhere In Youth Sports; O’Sullivan takes on the system, the parents, and the coaches who enable this system of “select” sports clubs and “specialization” to enter the equation.

From the Author:

As I said to my wife recently, the hardest thing about raising two kids these days, when it comes to sports, is that the vast majority of the parents are leading their kids down the wrong path, but not intentionally or because they want to harm their kids. They love their kids, but the social pressure to follow that path is incredible. Even though my wife and I were collegiate athletes, and I spend everyday reading the research, and studying the latest science on the subject, the pressure is immense. The social pressure is like having a conversation with a pathological liar; he is so good at lying that even when you know the truth, you start to doubt it. Yet that is the sport path many parents are following.

The problem is not that coaches explicitly prohibit kids from playing other sports; that would be against the rules in most places.  Its the environment these coaches cultivate and allow to exist that forces kids to feel like they have to choose.  They put the onus on the kid, by using all types of indirect pressures.  They encourage them to play for other teams in the same sport, AAU and other quasi amatuer adventures that will directly impact the seasons of other school sports.  They weave a web that gets the kid and his family caught up and stuck in a position where they have to choose.  Its sick and its selfish.  It is not a healthy culture.

I had a discussion with a parent a few months ago where I mentioned to him that his son could probably play some other sports.   As we stood there in a basketball gym without one single championship banner hanging from the rafters, the father told me: “(insert school name) is not very good at (insert other school sport).” Exploding head.  You should encourage your child to be a leader.  Challenge them to do things that don’t come naturally or easily.  Quite enabling this terrible system.

2.  Kentucky Basketball is Out of Control.  I know almost all of you that visit this site consider yourselves UK basketball fans.  This isn’t a place to come to be coddled.  Hopefully you are here to find something interesting, entertaining, or funny.  Well John Calipari fits that bill and will likely become a regular of the Saturday Morning Cartoons.  People all over the country think he is a joke. If you don’t believe me, travel outside of Kentucky and ask.  A lot of it is unfair criticism and hatred of a winner, but a lot of it is that Calipari has finally found the one place in college sports where he will be sheltered and given every opportunity to exploit the system that he can. The only thing that truly embarrasses #BBN is losing in a one and out tournament in March and April.

This week the Courier Journal released a report about the Wildcat’s trip to the Bahamas where over $700,000 was spent on the trip.  Only in Lexington is this not a scandal.  Because it is UK athletics, the NCAA will look the other way.  This isn’t Memphis or UMass that can be pushed around.

The total cost of the trip was $792,845.68. By comparison, an expense report acquired in an open records request showed that North Carolina’s Bahamas trip last summer cost $154,825.91. Portland State, meanwhile, paid a total of $37,714 for its seven-night stay.


UK’s own team expenses were eye-opening, too, from coach John Calipari’s $1,550-per night Atlantis hotel suite to a $23,855.50 reception dinner that included a band and an open bar.

If that doesn’t make you pause and feel the least bit of shame, I don’t know what will.  Did you know that Clay County, Kentucky is the hardest place to live in America?

Meanwhile, the college football National Championship did better than the NFL in television ratings.  Kentucky’s football recruiting budget is a little over $500,000.   I guess Damien Harris made the right choice…

3.  Mr. Anthony was looking for his Cleopatra and was willing to pay good money. CBS says basketball analyst Greg Anthony is indefinitely suspended and will call no more games this season after his arrest yesterday in a D.C. prostitution sting. Apparently when Anthony isn’t dancing for the man, he’s looking for the ladies of the night.  Greg Anthony has been very open in his support for Republican candidates since he was in college at UNLV.  Greg Anthony is a no excuse kind of guy:

4.  Covcath upset Newcath last night at the Bank of Kentucky Center.  I wonder how the 859Sports Computer is going to handle that.  Campbell County was also upset in what can only be considered a home game versus Scott. Scott is now in control of their own destiny in a district that seeds.

5.  Michigan has become the first state to exclude intercollegiate student-athletes at its public universities from the definition of a “public employee,” and therefore, the right to bargain collectively through a union.

An amendment to Michigan’s Public Employee Relations Act signed by Governor Rick Snyder excludes from the definition of “public employee” :

(1) “a student participating in intercollegiate athletics on behalf of a [Michigan] public university”;

(2) “a graduate student research assistant or [those serving] in an equivalent position”; and

(3) “any individual whose position does to have sufficient indicia of an employer-employee relations using the 20-factor test announced by the [I]nternal [R]evenue [S]ervice.”

The action came in response to a decision by the Regional Director of the National Labor Relations Board in Chicago that the scholarship football players at Northwestern University were “employees” within the meaning of the National Labor Relations Act and therefore eligible to be represented by a labor union.

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Brian Bozworth finally gets into the college football Hall of Fame after decades of apologizing, bending over backwards, and bootlicking.  I’m not suggesting that he should not have had to jump through hoops to get in; but Jim Tressel joined Bozworth in this year’s class.  The same Jim Tressel who is serving a five-year show-cause penalty for lying to the NCAA.

Curling isn’t just an olympic sport.  Oh Canada! you guys are a wild bunch.  The Continental Cup is happening now.  The event will be held in Vegas next year.  In 2014, the last time the event was held in Las Vegas, over 50,000 attended the four-day party.

And isn’t anything sacred anymore?  Tom Brady just needs 3 more to break Joe Montana’s record of 45 postseason touchdown passes.

Tom Brady needs 2 TD passes to tie Joe Montana for most in NFL postseason history

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) January 10, 2015

If it smokes like a duck… Oregon will be without red shirt freshman receiver Darren Carrington when they face Ohio State in the national championship.  Carrington failed a drug test for marijuana.  Imagine that.  Unbelievable. Ohio will finally see benefits from drug testing.  God is punishing us all.  The irony.

A former Dolphin swims 9 miles after falling off his boat.  According to, Rob Konrad, the former Miami Dolphin fullback was out fishing in Florida waters when he fell off his boat.  His boat was on autopilot and drifted away.  Konrad swam 9 miles to shore and was in the water an estimated 10-12 hours.

Here’s a photo of all the former Wildcats in the NBA.  Do fans really identify with these players?  College sports are already about cheering for laundry.  I get that.  But the one and done or two and done is cheapening the experience for everyone. When the rule finally gets changed, will the Calipari years still be memories that are dear to your heart?  I don’t think so; the whole thing stinks.

Today is the 33 year anniversary of the Freezer Bowl. Enjoy the balmy temperatures in the 20s today. The Freezer Bowl is recalled as the coldest game in NFL history. Spurred by a low-pressure storm off Canada’s Hudson Bay, the game-time temperature read -9 °F, with incessant wind making it feel like -38 °F (often cited as -59 °F under the old wind-chill formula).

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Damien Harris

If I told you a 5A high school in central Kentucky had a running back that allegedly ran a 4.4 40-yard dash and was being recruited by Alabama and Ohio State; what would you guess would be that high school’s win – loss record?  If you guessed 6-5, 2-3 in conference with a first round playoff blowout loss to Letcher County Central 49-18 (13 car, 54 yds) you would be correct.

If Damien Harris chooses to go to UK, fine.  If not, fine.  Either way, its not going to make one bit of difference in terms of wins and losses for Mark Stoops.  I can’t help but to ask questions about Madison Southern’s records during Harris’ time there.  Kentucky should be recruiting winners  that want to be in Lexington.

Ohio State

After Ohio State’s 7-point blowout *sarcasm* over Alabama in the Sugar Bowl, Vegas is not drinking the silly juice and has made Oregon a 7-point favorite.

Per a poster on Facebook:  “I’m going to do some logic from my philosophy class my freshmen year of college. In the 2014 college football season; St. Francis (PA) beat Duquesne. Duquesne beat Connecticut State. Connecticut State beat Sacred Heart. Sacred Heart beat Bryant. Bryant beat Maine. Maine beat Richmond. Richmond beat Liberty. Liberty beat Appalachian State. Appalachiaian State beat UL Monroe. UL Monroe beat Wake Forest. Wake Forest beat Virginia Tech. Virginia Tech beat Ohio State. Therefore St Francis (PA) is better than Ohio State.”

The Mighty Ducks

Some college kids take a stance against rape and get disciplined.

Duke Accuser Appeals Conviction

The woman who falsely accused three Duke University lacrosse players of rape has appealed her separate conviction for stabbing her boyfriend to death.

NKU Basketball Is Best Ticket In Town

The Bank of Kentucky center is a nice venue that offers decent division I basketball and beer in a smoke free environment.  You can’t beat that, you need an oxygen mask to walk into the sports bars in Campbell County.  The Norse are at home versus Toledo today at 4:00 p.m.

Good Money

Steelers are 14-1 to win the Superbowl.  Those are some damn good money odds.  Big Ben is the best quarterback in the NFL and he has been there before.  We have plenty Steeler hate left here but he looked pretty unstoppable at times during the regular season.

What does Rajon Rondo and Florida State football have in common?

If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.

Demarcus Cousins is tired of your crap. 

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